This weekend we went camping. We decided not to do any outings this summer other than our trip to Silverwood. Hubby's parents are paying for the tickets and helping with the food. My only jobs are to pay for gas and help with food. I've wanted to go to Mar Don's resort which is just a camp ground where we love to fish in the middle of nowhere, but I couldn't wait to FINALLY take the kids! From past years though I know that camping is not cheap. Especially when it includes gas money to go half way across the state with 4 kids two adults and the dog. Oh, and because we're using the SUV, now the husband pointed out that we really *need* a car top carrier because there's just no room for all the camping supplies and cooking materials, food, and clothing, AND us! Ok, we managed to borrow one for our Silverwood trip. I finally gave up the Mar Don's resort trip. It's so hard to let that go, as I've been wanting to do that since I met my husband. But we have Silverwood and that will be enough. Then, my friend posted that they were going camping. It's only overnight - husband won't lose time from work. It's nearby, not so much gas money. We camped on the river - we didn't waste our money on paying for a site. I was pretty proud of ourselves and we had a blast! Husband had to work pretty hard. He was tired from work and we didn't get there until 9 at night! Our friends found a place on the river which was perfect, but it meant hauling all our stuff down a steep bank, over a stream, and then along the river for about 100 yards. Several trips, he hadn't eaten almost all day, was exhausted and it was pretty much dark. I had the baby and was therefore not a lot of help. I had gone to the store and bought hot dogs and buns, stuff for S'mores, chips, pop, beer and gas. I justified all of it. I was proud we had saved so much. We did better than we've ever done before with our money and had a really good time. We had stopped by at my aunt and uncle's and they gave us firewood. Our friends brought their 2 month old and 2 great Danes. We had our 3 month old baby and our lab. The river was cold and shallow, the moon was full and even though we set up late, we could see so clearly! We went to bed late and woke up early. At the end of the day yesterday all of us have bright red faces and even the dog is ready for bed!

This morning I looked at our bank account - actually excited. Yes, I know I bought some items at the store for the trip, but really it wasn't that much. No, we probably didn't need to buy beer. We could have found chocolate for smores at home. I could have saved money on gas if we didn't go. I was pretty shocked to see more than six new entries and over $200 gone. I'd spent money at the store for the trip and for gas. Husband made several small trips to the store and he bought gas too. All things that we'd agreed on, but everything altogether - how did it add up so fast again! I read a couple posts on "being gently led's" blog on their debt story and feel awful. I really, really loved our trip. And I love our gym membership. And I think I'm finally really getting a handle on our food budget. Hey - we've got 6 (well, 5, really, since one's only nursing) hungry mouths to feed. 1500 for gas and food isn't that much?!

Ok, to be fair, we don't spend all that in food. Our gas bill is enormous. It's debilitating. I bought my truck when I was single and decided I could finally splurge. I couldn't, but I felt I could. My husband uses the truck now for work and he needs that truck. It's starting to fall apart, but we tried everything to sell it and our credit wasn't good enough to buy anything financed and there is no way we can buy outright now. Yet we spend $50 in gas every other day to keep it running. In his job, he needs to drive everywhere to help his crew, and the truck just sucks up the gas. Not owning a truck is not an option. Owning this truck...well, we're stuck with it for now. But that's 750 in gas for the truck! That doesn't include my gas cost running our baby to daycare in another city. What if we really had to make some tough choices though? COULD we?

Reading "being gently led" hurt. They had to make some pretty tough sacrifices. Ok, maybe they're not that tough, but they feel really tough. I know I'm a wimp, but I don't want to let go of our gym membership - for Pete's sake, it's our ONLY entertainment! She went to the grocery store with 40 for the week and fed her family of five mac and cheese. Really? Wouldn't that kill me to feed my family (same size family) mac and cheese?

She is debt free now though. How much do I want this? How badly do I want to say "ok" to my children's dreams of lessons and my dream for travel and for the self worth I'd see in my husband's eyes if he was able to afford to finish his degree and work as an engineer like he dreams?

Did I mention that we have $110,000 in debt (a lot of it is student loans for both of us) NOT including the mortgage and his job hours change daily? My job is not secure either.

Did I mention that I haven't been completely honest. We have a terrible old car. It's terrible for real. We have both been pulled over in the car before because it's just so awful. Chevy celebrity, dinged up white, with a black trunk. It's embarrassing! It doesn't fit all 6 of us, only the SUV does. Husband COULD use the SUV and i COULD use the car and we'd just be out of luck for the trips as a family - ever, and we are together a lot. (Is that really reasonable?) We'd have to buy new tires. Oh geez, I just don't think I can do this!